He Makes Me Feel Alive
What gives your life meaning? What gives you a purpose? What makes you feel alive?
I gotta admit, I’m having a hard time feeling like I have a purpose in life lately. At least right now. I feel like I’m meandering aimlessly through a forest where nobody needs me or wants me, but I am still obligated to do more than sit around and watch movies. I don’t know what or who I’m supposed to invest in, and yet I feel like a horrible person for days of not being “productive”.
I’ve tried to find healing, purpose, passion in things around me, but sometime it feels like the more I try, the less it satisfies.
-Food is desirable when I’m bored, hungry or stressed, but it’s only temporary and doesn’t give lasting satisfaction
-Work is clearly important and necessary, as it is the means to adulthood. But it doesn’t fulfill my life. The job I have now doesn’t “complete” me, and I don’t have a career in mind to push towards; no passion, no ultimate goal to pursue through my work.
-Facebook is a great way to keep up with people, but this social network is not the place to go for happiness; vying for attention and hoping for responses is enticing, but it’s not enough. Likes won’t bring me happiness, and comments won’t fill me with purpose.
-Friends are distant and far away. I know what it’s like to be close to a group of people for weeks at a time and to be a team; I know what it’s like to have a best friend who makes it their responsibility to be there for you, and you for them. Now I have neither. Catching up with people is great, and each time I get to do that it’s very special, but those times are few and far between. I miss everyone.
-Going to church is not the same as having community with the Church. While I go whenever I don’t work, and I want to further my knowledge of God and “stay disciplined” and get connected to believers and all that, it’s hard when I’m not close to anyone at either of my church communities. And maybe I just need to accept that it’s a slow process, but that doesn’t make it any less hard.
-Family has always been there for me, and I love them to death. But I’m 24 years old, and I need to figure out how to make my own way in the world. Who am I? What am I here for? My family will support me and help me along the way, but this is my own journey.
-Goals provide things for us to work towards in life. But if my “goal” is to be a stay-at-home wife and mom… I can’t really pursue that out of God’s timing, can I? So what can I do right NOW?
-Giving to people is something I’ve always loved and wanted to do, whether it’s of my time or my friendship or my help. But what if nobody needs my help? What if I’m constantly looking to give, but only with the selfish motives of wanting to be praised and thanked for it? Am I truly loving people, or am I just loving myself?
What am I supposed to do? Nobody really needs me…. I have nothing to give… and yet I feel so selfish for doing nothing. The little I do for others feels selfish, and NOT doing anything for others feels selfish… can you see why I’m feeling kind of aimless?
I honestly don’t know where I would be without my relationship with God. If Jesus wasn’t a part of my daily life… if I couldn’t find purpose in interacting with Him on a regular basis, with Someone who cares about every little thing I do and is always there for me… I don’t know what I would do or where I would be.
I’m honestly not saying this to throw a pity party. I know that I am cared for and loved, that I have people who are there for me, and that God has a plan for my life, no matter how little I can see. I get all that. I’m just explaining what is particularly hard for me right now, and the kinds of questions I’ve been wrestling with. Not to get a response, but just to share my own.
But the main thing I’ve been discovering is how, despite all of what I’m feeling, Jesus is the only one who can always make me feel better. Whenever I feel discouraged these days, just going out and BEING with God, singing songs to Him and dancing, can be enough to make me feel something again. It’s a reminder that God is with me every step of the way, and that His love for me is so much greater and deeper than I can imagine. Worshiping God can be enough. I don’t have to be a specific somebody or do anything for God to be pleased. Just being with Him is enough.
When NOTHING else gives me a purpose…
When NO ONE else can fill me with true and lasting joy…
When NOTHING I do is good enough to fill that void…
Jesus is here, and He makes me feel alive.