Archive for the ‘Random Ramblings’ Category
So here’s my second part of my A-Z descriptions of myself. It goes back and forth from negative to positive, though again, some of them are semi-neutral. You can read Part 1 here. Enjoy!
A-Z (Negative, Positive)
Awkward– I’ve learned how to socialize with people much better than I used to, but as it is for everyone, sometimes I’m just plain awkward. Maybe my mind is taking a slow time to process your question and I end up staring at you… or I get all tongue-tied because I’m nervous and then sound like an idiot… or I’m in an uncomfortable situation and spend my time standing in a corner and shifting my weight… I can’t escape it. I’m just awkward!
One of the few times you see me “organized” dancing; usually I just flail- Dancer
Believes in Balance– I know people who tend to be extreme in their emotions and their beliefs, but I feel like I’m sometimes the opposite. I try to believe the best in people, believe that everyone’s got stuff wrong and stuff right, and like to watch out for going to an incorrect extreme when fighting against part of the culture. Whether or not I’m good at BEING balanced, I sure believe in its importance.
Can’t Keep a Straight Face– Not that my face is always smiling, or always crooked (though my smile IS crooked), but that whenever I’m SUPPOSED to keep a straight face, I sometimes find it difficult. Not necessarily at really serious situations, but if people stare at me to try to make me break, I will almost instantly.
Dancer– NOT professionally. I just like to move. I don’t think I used to do it as much as I do now; but I love moving and dancing and bobbing and making motions and leg-swinging and hand-slapping to music, whether it’s in my head or playing in the room. It’s how I enjoy the music! 🙂
Easily Embarrassed– I can never come up with any stories for “most embarassing moment”, but I feel embarrassed whenever I say something stupid or awkward. Eh, I deal with it. What else can ya do?
Friendly– I’m not always at ease amongst people I don’t know, but I try to always be nice and kind to everyone. I like smiling and laughing, and when I say “Have a great day” I truly mean it.
Movin’ boxes, skirting buckets, helping people… keeping busy!- Hardworking
Guilt-Ridden– I have an overactive guilt complex. It doesn’t mean that I never blame other people for things, but I tend to dwell on things I did or words I said far longer than I should. After repentance and turning away from bad things, it’s still important for me to learn to let things go.
Hardworking– Though often I get too worried about people-pleasing or following rules, I have a strong work ethic and always try to do my best at whatever job I do. I may not be the most talented, but if you tell me what to do, I’ll do my best to do it well.
Indecisive– This is definitely a negative trait of mine. Well, maybe not. Some people tell me that I’m indecisive. But things like that can be misinterpreted. If I’m bad at making decisions, my worst is definitely in front of a menu. Or perhaps it’s whenever the decision affects other people. Oh, I don’t know! Maybe I’m not indecisive at all! Do you think I am?
Jolly and Jostful and Jolly Am I– Ok, this specific line comes from a weird song that was written by my sister, but it’s fairly true for the most part! “Jolly” may not be the most accurate word to describe me, but I’m generally a pretty happy and joyful person.
Kakorrhaphiophobic– The definition for this is “an abnormal fear of failure”. Yeah, I had to look up stuff for this K word, but it is so cool and long and it matches me pretty well (though “abnormal” is a bit strong), so I’m keeping it! 🙂
Everyday life includes games with the family!- Mundane
Listener– This may come from years of listening instead of ever saying anything in high school and beyond, 🙂 but I really try to be a good listener. Whenever I catch myself cutting people off or ignoring others, I always try to reign myself in. I don’t always have helpful or encouraging things to say, but if by listening attentively I can help, then I’ll do it.
Mundane– While I have traveled with a drama company cross country and I have written multiple 50,000 word novels, I generally live a lot in the mundane kind of world: reading and writing, watching TV and movies, doing chores and organizing my room, shopping and cooking and just sitting around and talking. Not necessarily exciting, but familiarly pleasant.
Nostalgic– I’m a sucker for nostalgia. It makes me go “Aww” and feel all gooey inside. Unless it’s depressing nostalgia (like that one Christmas cartoon!). But I will gladly sit down and devote my day to singing along with Mary Rice Hopkins or watching through a season of Lambchop.
Ordinary– Again, not necessarily a bad thing. I DO like myself. I’m just an average person, who’s nice and loves people and has a good sense of humor. I’m not particularly great at anything; I don’t stand out, I don’t have a flashy personality, or a lot of charisma. I’m more of a background/side player. This ordinary girl has got her place, though, so I’m happy with it.
Though it wasn’t by choice I ate either donut 1 or 2 this time- Quick to Snack
Peacemaking– I like when people get along. I try to like everybody, and when people have trouble getting along it makes me sad. I’m not a good mediator because I’m not very direct; I’m better at being the listener and the nudger. You know, the “hey they probably just meant this” kind of person.
Quick to Snack– I had trouble with this Q, so I wanted to use “quick” and I was like, “well, I snack a lot, probably more than is necessary, and that’s something I haven’t mentioned, so we’ll go with that”. So there you are.
Respectful– I have great respect for my authorities or bosses, and I try to show that in the way I respond and obey/listen. I think I’m pretty respectful to everybody, but particularly so with authorities.
Self-Pitying– There’s something very self-satisfying about self-pity… on a selfish, pointless level. Playing the victim has it’s emotional perks, but it’s the wrong perspective, it’s defensive and it’s damaging. So I try to catch myself before I get too deep into one, which happens unfortunately frequently.
Takes Pleasure in Little Things– I love the times 12:34 and 11:11. I love sunsets and sunrises. I love seeing a heart-shaped rock on the ground. I like symmetry and palindromes and happy colors and alliteration and accidental rhyming and funny typos and ice cream, and I loved at McDonald’s whenever they ordered the new Diet Dr. Pepper or used sauces with their nuggets. If you find joy in the little things, then doesn’t that make your life just so much better?
Uncertain– I know a lot of these negative words have to do with me being unsure of myself, but I guess that’s one of the biggest issues in my life, at least that I’ve seen crop up a lot in the past few years. Uncertainty is different than having low self-esteem; I think I’m a fun and awesome person, but I usually doubt my decisions.
I wrote out “I forgive you” 490 times for this VBS project- Verbal
Verbal– In case you can’t tell from ALL of these words I’ve used to describe myself (and by that I mean all the descriptions, not just the 26) I am a verbal person. As in, I like to sit and think and try to find the right way to say something; the proper phrase and the closest words. I’m not a good writer, but I am a writer. It helps me sort out my words.
Worrier– I worry a lot. About things I’ve said and done, what I should say and do, situations and people and all kinds of reasonable and unreasonable things.
Xerotic Skinned– I had to look up adjectives that began with an “X”, but xerotic means “dry”, and I have dry skin! I used to have eczema on my hands (though I ended up finding a method that pretty much cured the extremity of it) and I generally have pretty dry skin.
Yielding– By this I mean that I am sometimes not the firmest in my decisions, and that with enough pressure and doubt in my ideas being good ones, that it can lead to me crumbling in whatever I was trying to do. I’m hoping that this is something that’ll change, because it has caused me a lot of trouble in the past, both while being a New Life leader and otherwise.
Zetetic– I was looking up Z words and came across this one! It means “Proceeding by inquiry”. Also “investigating” or “seeking”. And although this word would describe my dad or Bekah more perfectly than me, I’m enough of an analytical question-asker that I’m going to use this one for me! 😀
So my Mom recently reposted an old blog she had done years ago, where she had to list 26 things, one for each letter of the alphabet, that described her. I thought it was a fun idea, so I started writing one out.
Well, since I’m me and I ramble, I wrote out a bunch that were mostly positive traits with like one or two negatives mixed in and several that are in between. Which led me to think “can I think of a positive and a negative trait for each letter of the alphabet?” And as I kept going, I was like “Well, this really gives a fuller description of me!” And since I didn’t want to NOT use some of the positive traits that describe me well, but I didn’t want to be cocky about myself, I decided to do BOTH lists on two separate blogs. I have 26 letters in this one, alternating “Positive” and “Negative”. (Again, some of these are neutral and aren’t really one or the other. You can decide which is which.)
So without further ado, here is half of how I describe myself!!!
A-Z (Positive, Negative)
Adventurous– I don’t mean that I’m a daredevil or that I’m up for anything presented to me, because I’m neither. I’m more of a mild adventurer: always ready to go exploring in the woods, pleased to try new foods, willing to go ask a random stranger a question. I’m a wholesome and mild adventurer.
Isn’t this a pretty picture Elizabeth took of me? 😀 -Cute
Bashful– Not every introvert is shy, but I am a shy one. And while that’s not always a negative trait, it can add to the awkwardness I exude. When I was young it kept me from ever opening my mouth in a group setting, and though I’m better about that now that I’m older, it’s easy to revert back into my closed-mouth self.
Cute– You can take this however you want to, but I’m really not being vain. I just honestly think I’m pretty cute, both physically and personality-wise. I feel like I would really like myself and my quirks if I was my friend.
Dizzy– This really isn’t that common a trait in me, hehe, but sometimes at work I’ll just feel dizzy. And I run, and spin, and dance, so sometimes that makes me dizzy. But the biggest reason is probably because I often stand with one foot on the other, thus causing me to fall over, thus creating dizziness!
Easily Startled– Almost everyone who knows me in person can attest to this, and many will proudly say that they spent many happy hours (ok, maybe minutes) trying to get me to scream or jump or say “Whoa!”. I just hope I was able to satisfactorily entertain everyone through my reactions.
Fearful– Whether it be afraid of being alone in my house, or scared to confront someone, fear is a part of my nature that I’ve always known. As a child I wouldn’t go into any dark room at night without someone being in the upstairs with me. God has helped me and taught me a lot so far, but there is still much I have to conquer as far as overcoming fear in my life.
Bekah and I have fun where I try to clap at the same time she does. -Giggler
Giggler– I really like to laugh. A lot. I mean, who doesn’t? And it’s generally pretty easy to make me laugh. And when I get tired, or when you get me going, I get sooo giggly! Just stay up with me and Elizabeth some night until 2:00 and you’ll get to hear it.
Hesitant to Open Up– This isn’t always a bad thing, but it canbe. Being hesitant to talk can make it more natural for me to listen, which is a plus. My major issue is when I’m the one who hesitates, and then I go into a mental pity-party about how no one cares about me. My thing this year is to try to take the relational initiative when an opportunity arises, and it’s been better so far.
Introverted– I really love people, but I get my energy from being alone. Spending time listening to music and either reading, writing, organizing, praying or exploring the outdoors are some of my favorite ways to enjoy myself and God, and to relax/recharge.
Jealous– This isn’t a strongly visible or permeating trait in me, but it definitely crops up. I wasn’t the jealous girlfriend type. Rather, I’m the person who feels envious of seeing close friendships because I wish I had that kind of closeness with people. Jealous may be a strong word for it, but it’s close.
Kind– What I mean by saying that I’m kind is that I actively enjoy (enjoy actively?) doing things for people. I like to serve, and to give, and if there’s a way to help someone’s day or meet a need that I’m able to supply, I like to do it.
Lazy– Yyyyeah. Procrastinator… lazy… I have a strong work ethic, but golly, sometimes I just have no self-motivation! It’s perfectly comfortable for me to sit around browsing Facebook and watching Netflix for days on end on my laptop. Ok, comfortable until the guilt shows up. Then I’ll snap out of it for a little while.
Merciful– I love mercy! I definitely believe in justice, but redemption and compassion and second chances and going the extra mile are things about Jesus that I love and want so much to emulate. I love Matthew 5 because Jesus talks a lot about that. I don’t know if I have the Spiritual Gift of mercy or not, but it’s a possibility.
Now Jenga! That’s a game I can play! (For the most part.) -Non-Athletic
Non-Athletic– I am really bad at sports. I run away from flying balls and scream when one is thrown at me, whether it be a baseball, basketball, volleyball or ping pong ball. I may try at some sports and not completely fail, such as croquet and bowling, but for the most part, don’t depend on me to do anything cool that requires athletic skills.
Organizer– Note that I didn’t say “organized”. That’s because, while I enjoy the act of organizing things, I am not perpetually in a state of organization. I like to declutter but I can go for a fairly long time before I feel like I have to. I am lazy, as I previously stated.
People Pleaser– (This has alliteration, so it trumps “Procrastination”.) Making people mad or uncomfortable is one of my least favorite things, while giving people joy or having them be pleased with me fills me with happiness. And although caring about what people think gives me empathy, if I place my identity in how others feel about me, or ignore what I know to be right in order to please someone else… well, the man and son carrying their donkey know how that feels, right?
Quiet– Everyone can attest to the fact that I am a quiet person, especially when you first get to know me. I can definitely talk when I’m comfortable, and I get comfortable a whole lot easier than I did, say, in high school. But you’ll still often find me to be quicker to observe than to speak up.
Rambler– My blog speaks for itself. No further explanation required.
Well somebody needed to shake hands with the Hulk! -Silly
Silly– I like dancing, and puns, and silly voices, and lip-syncing with whatever objects are around me, and watching Blues Big Musical, and making up new lyrics to songs. I’m not very over-the-top, but I can be silly, and I get silly AND giggly when I’m really tired.
Tired– This is the fate of every human being from teenager on up. It is inevitable for us to always be tired for the rest of our lives. If I’m having a bad day at work, it’s because I’m tired. If my words are coming out incoherently, I blame it on being tired. If I’m having a hard time paying attention, I’m just too tired. It’s used so often it’s practically a more common default than “fine”!
Unaggressive– Whether it’s in games, driving, or how I treat people, I am never someone you would describe as aggressive. Though I may take part in competition and enjoy doing well, I will rarely fight to win, and would very often rather lose if that means that everyone has fun. (My other options for U were “Upbeat” and “Undigested”. Like either of these better? 😉 )
Violent Hiccuper– I couldn’t think of anything else, so I went with this.:-) I have hiccupped quite consistently everyday for the past 3 years or so. Sometimes it’s quiet and cute, but sometimes it gets loud and bodily jolting. (Only for my body, of course, unless you’re leaning on me.)
Worshipful– I don’t mean this in a self-righteous “oh look at how spiritual I am” kind of way. What I mean is that I really enjoy the typical avenue of worship: singing and music. When I can just get in that state when I’m focused on God and only God… golly, I love it. I really like to get away from people with just my music and open space before me. Some of my best memories of times with God came through worship.
Xerophthalmic– Ooook, I’m stretching here. The definition for this word is “of or pertaining to abnormal dryness of the eyeball characterized by conjunctivitis, caused by a deficiency of tears and attributed to a lack of vitamin A”. And I’m pretty sure I don’t have ALL that, but I have dry eyes that twitch a lot, so I’ma keep it because I only have so many options for words that begin with X!
Do I look irritated or what? -Zoned Out
Young-Looking– So far, I’ve noticed that people tend to think I’m younger than I actually am when they guess my age. I think the haircut helped me look older, but according to objective speculations, I can only suspect that I’m semi young-looking. We’ll see how long it lasts! 🙂
Zones Out– I mean, it’s not like nobody else does this, but I definitely zone out a lot. I usually catch myself, but if you’re ever sitting on the opposite side of the room and you see me staring unblinking at you for several seconds, I’m probably just zoning and about to snap out of it. 🙂
So, as I’ve had a job at McDonald’s for about a month or two, which has meant that I’ve had some semblance of my own personally earned money (something I haven’t had in 3 years!), I’ve been trying to figure out how to wisely spend it and save it. And identifying weaknesses when it comes to spending is a good thing, right?
My newly identified weaknesses: compulsive food purchasing, particularly fast food.
Ever since I was a kid, our family getting food at a restaurant was always a treat. Whether it was ordering Pizza Hut, picking up McDonald’s, or the occasional KFC run… it was a luxury that we didn’t use super regularly. PARTICULARLY because it’s so expensive to feed a family of 10.
Then I traveled with New Life, and we ate out ALL THE TIME. Fast food was the default for all of our drive days (unless we packed a lunch, but c’mon, how often did we remember to do that?) and we would get pretty regularly treated to casual/nice restaurants by generous host homes or pastors.
(Free Digital Photos)
Most everyone in New Life got quickly sick of McDonald’s, and many leaders tried to make that a last resort for stops. However, I never found myself getting sick of their food. Or any restaurant, for that matter. I will say: I am not much of a fan of White Castle/Crystal Burger. Not necessarily because their food is bad, but because the guys on my team who liked it got a little nuts about ordering A BAJILLION CHEAP BURGERS, and instead of giving us the option to order sides or add cheese, were all like “40 burgers for the whole team!” and made us each eat, like, 8. Hehe. I think I’m a little biased against it because of that. 🙂 But with the option to make my own choice, I would willingly try their food again. But I’m BAMbling.
All that to say, even now after eating fast food for 2 years and now working at McDonald’s for a few months, I still find that eating out is a treat.
And though that’s not always bad, the PROBLEM is, now I have money to spend. And a car to drive. And I work right in a restaurant that sells happily colored Shamrock shakes and refreshing caramel frappes and delicious buffalo ranch McChickens! (Man, those things are good!) And I get half my food off because I’m an employee. 😀
But it’s not just working at McDonald’s that tempts me. It’s more like, when I’m home I get bored or decide I’m hungry and we don’t have much in the house, and I’m all like “I should go get a Subway because I love them!” or “I should pick up some cheapo Taco Bell!” or “Hey, I need to eat some KFC chicken that I haven’t eaten in forever!” or “Man, I need a milkshake!” Suddenly any lack of food or spontaneous craving creates an irresistible impulse to go and buy something.
It’s not like I can’t live without it. I like to cook at home, and I do like lots of healthy food, and I’m usually pretty cheap with what I buy. But…
-When I get a minimum wage check every two weeks
-And am saving up for a 2 week vacation that’s a month away
-And have a few personal loans to pay off
-And a phone bill
-And am saving up for a car
-And an eventual apartment
-And trying to get my own two feet on the ground…
I need to be able to follow a strict budget. And I’ve tried to kind of give myself a vague limit for each 2 weeks of one paycheck. But being too vague about it means that I’ll often go over my limit. I’ve noticed a pattern of always wanting to go out and get something, just because I CAN even though I certainly don’t NEED it. Particularly when I’m bored or moody, even though it won’t actually make me feel better but will instead make me feel guilty yet again for not showing restraint.
So I’ve started admitting that it’s a weakness for me that I need to change.
For one thing, eating fast food all the time is CLEARLY not a healthy choice! I don’t have any major moral problems with any of these companies, but everyone knows that fast food is NOT the healthiest stuff around.
“Do you see all zese food you ‘ave etten in ze past year?”
For another thing, that stuff adds up! Fast food may be cheap, but a lot of cheap stuff is still, well, a LOT. And it’s almost always something that I don’t need.
Now, I’m not going to tell myself I can NEVER eat fast food again.
-Some days I just haven’t packed a lunch and I can get 2 burgers and water for only a dollar on my break; and that’s ok.
-Sometimes I’ve had a really long, tiring day and I just want to sip a shake on my way home; and that’s ok.
-Sometimes I haven’t spent anything in a long time and so I go get a foot long at Subway and make it last 2 meals; and that’s ok
-Sometimes I want to treat some of my siblings to drinks and fries because I can; and that’s ok.
The point is, I’ve discovered something in my spending that I could quickly let get out of hand. But I DISCOVERED it! So now I can make sure it doesn’t! 😀
PLAN OF ACTION
1. I need to set aside a certain amount of money that I can spend each 2 weeks (a small amount). If there is a whole week that goes by that I don’t use any of it, the next week I can buy something bigger or treat a family member to something. Or spend it on something that I need. Voila!
2. I also think that I need to be more careful about what money I take to work with me. If I say before I go to work “I don’t need anything today”, I can still walk out with a shamrock shake if I’m feeling cravey enough. So, since I already leave my purse at home anytime I’m driven to work, I think it would be financially and healthily wise to take precautions by leaving my cash and cards at home on a regular basis and only taking my allotted amount of money. (Or nothing.) This will make it so that I don’t spend more than I should spur of the moment. Voila!
3. I need to keep planning out my lunches so that I’m prepared and don’t have to buy an emergency lunch. Packing food also gives me the options to make healthier choices, like including fruit and eating leftover homemade suppers. Voila!
4. Lastly, when those cravings come upon me, I need to remember that food, as with any substance that we go to in our moment of desire, is not going to make me feel any better in the long run. It won’t bring me closer to God, it won’t fill any voids inside of me, it won’t erase my insecurities, it won’t alter my happiness. It won’t make me or break me to show restraint and learn to go without. I don’t want my cravings to be master over me, so instead I’m going to master them. With wisdom and God nudging me along, it’ll happen. Eventually. 🙂 Voila!